Baby Pic

A Tiny Miracle

I vividly remember the first time since JJ was diagnosed with GBM that someone asked me if JJ and I were going to try to have more children.  It was a hot summer day and I was at a friend’s baby shower.  At that point, it had been a year since JJ’s diagnosis and he was doing well.  Baby talk was in the air and I understood why she asked.  JJ and I had always planned on having more than one child, but then CANCER happened.


Since the diagnosis, my mind had gone there occassionally, but there were so many unknowns.  Would JJ ever be well enough again to have more children?  Even if his cancer went into remission, could we have children after all the treatments he’d undergone?  If we were–by some miracle–able to have children, would the treatments impact the baby?  Was it a good idea to even try, to even hope?


Although JJ and I both pondered these questions quietly within the depths of our hearts and minds, we didn’t speak of it often.  Life with cancer was too new.  We were just trying to do everything we could to help him heal and enjoy each day together.  Then, with time, life went back to a “new” normal and we discussed the possibility.  Occasionally, another person would ask if there might be an expanding family in our future and our hearts would fill with a little more hope.


By January 2016, we had decided that no matter what the future held we wanted James to have a sibling.  JJ had been off all treatments for several months and we felt the risks to a new baby were relatively low based on all that we had read.  There were a few survivors who had been able to have more children, even though it was rare.  Almost a year went by and no luck.  We trusted that if it were meant to be then it would happen when it was supposed to, but my heart grew heavier with each passing month.


Then, the “spot” appeared on JJ’s scan in October 2016 and then a second spot a few weeks later.  We realized that a baby was most likely not in our future.  Life was too uncertain, too stressful.  There was no way, no matter how much we had hoped, that it would happen now.  We knew that we had to have trustful surrender.  Life was changing and our focus was once again shifting to fighting cancer.  JJ was starting a clinical trial and we had signed paperwork agreeing to take all measures necessary to avoid getting pregnant while on the trial.  It was too risky.  The side effects the trial drug would have on the baby were unknown.


Then, on a Monday morning late in November, I realized we were pregnant.  Our miracle came right before JJ had started the clinical trial.  I remember dropping to my knees in tears realizing that what seemed impossible had happened.  I couldn’t wait to share the news with JJ.


The last few months have not been easy, but we have been blessed with a light in the darkness.  This little miracle has given us so much to look forward to and it has helped us to stay focused on hope.  We are expecting Baby Boy #2 in August and James couldn’t be happier to be a big brother.

Big Brother

We want to thank everyone who has kept us close in your thoughts and prayers during this journey.  Not a day goes by that we aren’t eternally grateful for all of your positive energy.  Every day is a gift.

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